Tips From The Year

Last Post of the Technical School Year!

Writing Tips!!

Connect with your audience

Writing is thinking (and so is reading!)
        Lazy thinkers are reflected in their writing.

Make meaning early
        Begin sentences with subjects/nouns and verbs. Subject, verb, then the rest of the sentence.
            Ex. 7000 fans screamed at the sold out concert last night.

Activate your verbs
        Never use the passive where you can use the active!
        Allowing = worst verb ever.
        You either did or you didn't.
            Not. She got her permit, allowing her to drive to school. (⇐ Don't know if she did drive. Even without her permit she could have driven, it wouldn't matter if she was "allowed".)
            Ex. Bond bolted the window shut but moonlight still filtered through the glass.

Avoid -ing verbs
        Avoid "-ing's"! Take it easy on the "ings", it makes verbs weaker. After a while all the words begin to sound the same.

Concerts, not pancakes!
        Make your writing like a concert: it starts off good, there are some less interesting things in the middle, and it ends good. Don't make it like a stack of pancakes: it seems like a good idea at first, but after a while the pancakes seem soggy and there's dripping syrup and it's just a bad idea now. This style of writing can be applied to essays, paragraphs, or even sentences! Start off good and leave off good!

Use quantity to improve quality
        Write too much and edit it down!

Punctuate with power and purpose!
        A sentence is like a street/highway, the period is a stop sign. Punctuation tells the reader when to pause, take a breath, what emotions are in a sentence, etc....

Echo/mirror words        The same word more than once in the same paragraph. Avoid it - it's not a good thing!

Eliminating sledgehammer words
        Sledgehammer words: Words intended to add emphasis that actually detract from the author's message because they are unnecessary, over-used, and often too powerful for the context. Sentences are better off without them. They should be used rarely for dramatic emphasis.
        Words: really, extremely, constantly, always, never, obviously, very, clearly, a lot
        Clearly and obviously makes people feel stupid. It's not obvious to everyone, it's insulting.
        Always and never are not always true.
            Ex. High school students always procrastinate. (⇐ could be rewritten...)
                Ex. Often times, high school students will procrastinate.
                Ex. Procrastination is a problem for many high school students.
            Ex. After work, she was extremely tired and alone.
                "Extremely tired" can be replaced by "exhausted", or the whole second part of the sentence could be "she felt tired and alone" or "she felt exhausted and lonely".

Consider your engine... what drives your writing?
        What is the essential question you are trying to answer?

Revisit sentence basics
        Compound sentences (conjunction: using and to join two sentences), fragment (me/I), run-on (don't do that!).
        When you're not sure whether to use me or I in a sentence, take out the other subject and see if the sentence still works. Then you know if it is the correct noun or not.
            Not. Me and my dog went to the pet store. (⇐ then becomes "Me went to the pet store" if you take out "my dog", which is the other subject.)
            Ex. My dog and I went to the pet store. (⇐ then becomes "I went to the pet store", which is correct.)

NOoooO!!!!
        Exclamation points, caps, and bold:
            Do not over-punctuate (adds too much power and not enough purpose).
            Avoid all-caps, bold, italics, and underlines.
            Instead, use a thesaurus.

Pay attention to tenses
        Don't suddenly change from past tense to present tense, etc.

Watch those adverbs
        Use them to change the meaning of the verb; at their best adverbs "spice up" a verb or adjective, and at their worst they express a meaning already contained in it (it becomes redundant). Most often ends in "-ly".
        Some redundant examples:
            The blast completely destroyed the church office.
            The cheerleader gyrated wildly before the screaming fans.
            The accident totally severed the boy's arm.
            The spy peered furtively through the bushes.
        Example of Bad and Good:
            She smiled happily. (⇐ happy is in the connotation...)
            She smiled sadly. (⇐ tells how she smiled.)

Vary the length of paragraphs
        Go short or long to match your intent.
        Coherence: When the big parts of an idea fit together.
        Cohesion: When the individual sentences connect.
        "The paragraph is essentially a unit of thought not of length." - H.W. Fowler.
        All sentences in a paragraph should be about the same thing and more in a sequence. Writers can break up long paragraphs into parts, but not paste together paragraphs that are short and disconnected.
        "The purpose of paragraphing is to give the reader a rest. The writer is saying to him, 'Have you got that? If so, I will go on to the next point'..."
            -How much rest does a reader need?

Riff on the creative language of others
        Make word lists, free associate, be surprised by language.
        Writers collect sharp phrases and colorful metaphors.
        Be careful of plagiarism (copying someone else's work - kidnapping the creative work of others).
        Riff: improvisation: to take what is already known and apply it as metaphor to the new.
            Thomas Edison explained his "new" idea with old aqueducts of Rome: currents in electricity and water (relationship)
        Use others' writing as a tool to compose your way to the next level of invention.
            "Just do it": We aren't a "just do it" society, we're a "permissions/forms" society.
                Nike: slogan is opposite of what we are.


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The Loop




* Character is looking back, seem like the present, but is in the past
* At some point, your writing (nonfiction) will loop back to the beginning ---> x
* Never "concludes", it should stay with the reader
* What does this have to do with me/you/etc.?

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News Writing 101

The Lede - First Paragraph
    - One or two sentences
    - Who, what, when, where, why, or how?
    - Main, most important actions and events of the story

Hard Lede - comprehensive thesis. All the facts.
Soft Lede - creative, attention getting. 2 sentence.
Typically 25 words or less.
"Nut Graph" - Nut shell paragraph. Optional. Paragraph 2.

Lede
NG/Nut Graph (Optional)
Quote/statistic/evidence
Transition
Quote/stat/ev.
Transition
...
↓

Soft Ledes might need an NG to explain further, hard ledes not so much.

Captions - can be tied into the writing piece - a name in the headline/the headline, the first few words of the article, on the pictures as a title, etc.

Caption Writing 101: First sentence describes (present tense) image/tells you what you're seeing, 2nd describes past tense/background information that isn't obvious.

Echo/mirror - same word more than once in the same paragraph. Avoid - it's not a good thing!

3rd person/objective - "amazing/unfortunately" is bias. Avoid it! Just give info/news, don't use words that reveal bias.

"Never use a large word when a diminutive (small) one will suffice!"
You have a job - find the smallest word that can do the job.

The more/less you have these, the further/closer it is in a paper:

Proximity - closeness (location - San Diego or Iowa? San Diego is closer.)

Importance/consequence - 10th burglary? Jailed or on the run? People will know.

Timeliness - issue yesterday or a month ago? Yesterday.

Human interest - important news: holdup at the back > cat in a tree

Oddity/unusual - Octomom (8 children) ⇒ shocking

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Personal Statements

- Easily transferable to cover letter
- Emphasize and provide evidence for:
        1) interpersonal skill
        2) work ethic/habits
        3) problem solving
        4) academic skills and/or experience
- One page PDF
- Presented on DP as a Personal Statement - later, repurpose as a cover letter
- Challenge/optional: use terms/phrases that are meaningful to a potential employer
- Ask yourself:  what makes you the ideal worker/qualify for this job? (or internship?)
- The hidden prompt question: why are you an outstanding intern?

Tips For Cover Letter Success
- Be concise!
- Be specific!
- Use evidence and examples
- SHOW your content

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Tips for success in a complicated project

Start!! RIGHT AWAY!

Go from general to specific.

Use quantity to improve quality.

Create ⇒ Share ⇒ Critique ⇒ REPEAT!


Work on different aspects.

Read about it. (See what is out there, news, helps you understand it, sources, what to look for/ask)

Get examples.

Visit different locations.

Work on it every day!
Go back to the beginning and do it again!

Writing Reflection

I have definitely improved in my essay writing this year. In the past I would try to generalize the topic and avoid actually answering the question or prompt, but this year, especially with Ampersand, I learned how to use the engine of the writing to the very best of my ability. It helped a lot that it was me who created that engine, a question I was interested in answering and I hoped that others would be drawn in by.

An example of an essay where I tried to defer the prompt was the "Confederates in the Attic" essay, where the prompt was to talk about how the Civil War began a new revolution in the US. I spent most of my time summarizing the events I had read about and telling about points of views that weren't entirely mine--I think I read about them in the passage that the prompt was based on.

Another example was The Great Gatsby essay. I only talked a little bit about the answer to the prompt in the first paragraph, and then mostly summarize and try to make connections in the rest of the paragraphs. I think I also repeated a lot of the words in that essay, so all the echoes give me a headache now. It's almost the same with my Grapes of Wrath essay, but it seems more disorganized than trying to answer the prompt correctly. There are a lot of quotes and big chunks of quotes in there too.

By the time I got around to Ampersand, I had practically memorized all the writing tips like "vary paragraph lengths" and "watch those -ings". Not to mention, I literally made dozens of drafts of my article, so I had lots of things to look for to change until I got it perfect. I went through countless critiques and revisions, and I'm proud of the final product that went into the published book. It really helped that I was motivated to write the article, and I tried my hardest in everything--writing the driving question, gathering the evidence, staying after school to get critiques... I did a lot.

Though I think I did really well in Ampersand, I know there are still some things I have to work on. When I was writing my article, Sabrina and some others helped me take one of my drafts toward the final by helping me rearrange the entire article because it had very little organization before. It's apparent that I still need to work on my organization and structure, so that's my goal for next year.

Historical Reflection

If I were to run into a famous historical figure in college, it would probably be President Franklin Delano Roosevelt. He was a huge part of my learning of the Great Depression and New Deal, and he's the first thing that comes to mind when I think about what I've learned this year in History.

He would visit my college campus and give a speech about the Great Depression and tell us not to worry about how our lives would go after this--that we would lead better lives and not worry about the horrible economy of our childhood.

"To the men and women whose lives have been darkened by the fact or the fear of unemployment, I am justified in saying a word of encouragement because the codes and the agreements already approved, or about to be passed upon, prove that the plan does raise wages, and that it does put people back to work. You can look on every employer who adopts the plan as one who is doing his part, and those employers deserve well of every-one who works for a living. It will be clear to you, as it is to me, . that while the shirking employer may undersell his competitor, the saving he thus makes is made at the expense of his country's welfare."

He would say this to reassure us and give us hope for the future. He would tell us about everything he's doing and how he's going to fix the things Hoover never dealt with. I would raise my hand and ask him what exactly he's going to do. He would give an example of one of his New Deal Programs.

"Let us use common sense and business sense. Just as one example, we know that a very hopeful and immediate means of relief, both for the unemployed and for agriculture, will come from a wide plan of the converting of many millions of acres of marginal and unused land into timberland through reforestation. There are tens of millions of acres east of the Mississippi River alone in abandoned farms, in cut-over land, now growing up in worthless brush. Why, every European Nation has a definite land policy, and has had one for generations. We have none. Having none, we face a future of soil erosion and timber famine. It is clear that economic foresight and immediate employment march hand in hand in the call for the reforestation of these vast areas. In so doing, employment can be given to a million men. That is the kind of public work that is self-sustaining, and therefore capable of being financed by the issuance of bonds which are made secure by the fact that the growth of tremendous crops will provide adequate security for the investment. Yes, I have a very definite program for providing employment by that means. I have done it, and I am doing it today in the State of New York. I know that the Democratic Party can do it successfully in the Nation. That will put men to work, and that is an example of the action that we are going to have."

He would close with a line he had said before, in his Inaugural speech.

"In this dedication of a Nation we humbly ask the blessing of God. May He protect each and every one of us. May He guide me in the days to come."

Everyone would clap and rush up to shake his hand before he left because he was famous and they loved him.

Sources:
http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/fireside.php
http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=14488
http://historymatters.gmu.edu/d/5057/
http://130.18.140.19/stennis/FDRnewdeal.html

Literary Reflection

If I could bring to college any character from any book I've read this year, I would definitely pick Steve Sillett from The Wild Trees. He would be a really cool professor to have, since he's really outdoorsy and adventurous. (And, in real life, since he is a real person, he is a professor!)

I would bring this character to college because it would give me a great opportunity to learn more about the magnificent trees I've read about and experience the thrill of climbing them for myself. Ever since I read The Wild Trees, the images that were painted for me have stayed in my mind and influenced some of the ways I think and do things. I have found myself telling some people I know about the amazing things that redwood trees are known for. When I learned biology and got interested in it, I immediately related some of the things I learned to the redwood trees I read about. It would be so great if I could study the trees and biology of them in depth from a person who practically lived in them, to take his class and go on his field trips and climb the trees with him. And I usually don't do those kinds of things, but it would be an awesome new experience to get my hands dirty and get out in a world I never knew about.

I want to see the vertical Edens boasted about in this book: "It was a garden in the sky containing tons of dirt, along with sheets and beds of ferns, and thickets of huckleberry bushes. The canopy soil has been accumulating in Atlas for unknown numbers of centuries. It is composed of a mixture of rotting redwood needles, twigs, the roots of plants, and dust from the sky. The soil is apparently being fertilized by rotting lichens and twigs and redwood needles." (Page 149) I also want to be a part of the discovery of so many unseen things. Marie Antione, Sillett's wife even felt that "The only thing she knew for certain was that even if she spent the rest of her life studying lichen, whatever she found out about it would be almost nothing in comparison to what remained unknown about the tall temperate rain forests of the Pacific Northwest." (Page 179)

So if I could be a part of that, I would bring Steve Sillett, the person who climbed the world's tallest tree.

AZ Trial Reflection

1. Summarize the facts of the case, as presented by the prosecution. Include relevant witnesses and testimony.

Arizona is being accused of violating the immigrant history of the US. The prosecutors were D'Vaughn and Ben.

Evidence: Their state law conflicts with the Constitution, because international affairs are to be dealt with by the Federal Government not the state. The Declaration of Independence amendments were violated by AZ's bills. The Statue of Liberty states that our country will take in the poor, homeless, etc. of other countries. The Boston Massacre where John Adams defended a British soldier even though he wasn't an American citizen, because he thought it was more important to protect the innocent rather than punish the guilty. The McDonalds woman arrested because of racial profiling, held in custody for four hours and then released with the excuse that it was a mistake. Operation Wetback and Proposition 187, brought up and explained by Raul Grijalva, were failed laws trying to remove illegal immigrants in the past.

Their witnesses: James Madison, John Adams, and Raul Grijalva.

2. Summarize the facts of the case, as presented by the defense. Include relevant witnesses and testimony.

Arizona says new bills don't violate US immigrant history. The defendants were Hallie and Dorian.

Evidence: Law is not unconstitutional because it deals with crime not immigration in particular. The bill was approved by various government officials such as Pearce and Brewer. Law is said to protect citizens and saves immigrants the grief of suffering the harsh temperatures of AZ. Various scenarios were presented, including "pulling over a driver because of suspicion of theft/possession of illegal substances/etc.", violent and disruptive illegal immigrants, and things saying that they/the police of AZ were not using racial profiling. Ellis Island was a piece of evidence that described a place where people went to come into America legally.

Witnesses: Jan Brewer, Robert Watchorn, and Senator Russell Pearce.

3. What was the most significant piece of evidence, in your personal opinion?

The Constitution and Declaration of Independence on the prosecution's behalf. They presented the evidence well and brought up good points.

4. What was the most significant argument made, in your opinion?

That the bills violate the Constitution and Declaration of Independence because of the 4th, 5th, 6th Amendments, etc... That people have a fair right to trial, they can't be seized or searched for no reason, that a state cannot make laws against/because of international affairs...

5. What do you personally believe the correct verdict should be? Do you agree with the jury? Why or why not?

I agree with the jury (I was on it), I think that the defense was guilty. They didn't make a very good argument, in my opinion, and the prosecution presented a good case and evidence and invoked sympathy. The bills didn't seem fair, well thought out and/or thoughtless, and appeared to be illegal and a crime and an attempt and excuse for racism.

I was a juror. I think I deserve a 48 out of 50 points because I played my role sufficiently and participated. I paid attention during the trial, and I did this well because I took notes in my head and on paper and formed my opinions about the facts. I could have done better at taking notes by doing it more often but in the end I knew enough facts to help decide the case.

WW2 Letters

1. who you are and how you decided
Boy in Japanese internment camp who enlisted to be a soldier. I've always been interested in the Japanese in the camps, since they were American citizens imprisoned for no reason other than that they were Japanese. I remember a play I saw once about children in the camps.

2. research! including specific links and the major topics, people, and info in your letter.
Dear Miss Breed, Japanese American National Museum, Wikipedia Letters of a Nation
In April/May 1941 over 100000 Americans of Japanese descent were imprisoned in internment/relocation camp programs because the government was suspicious of their loyalty to the nation and worried that they might be spies. Many were separated from family and friends. While they were there, some pro-Japanese groups popped up, and when a law was passed that made it possible to renounce American citizenship, they took the opportunity and the government suspicions were found true for those cases--though these Japanese Americans were speculated to do so because they felt betrayed by their country. At some point, (around Feb 1, 1943) some Japanese men were asked if they wanted to volunteer to serve the armed forces and 20000 Japanese men and several women were enlisted. They formed the 442nd Infantry Regiment that would soon become famous.

3. an overview of the tone and ideas of your letter.
I want to be a young Japanese American male who hears about the government recruiting people from the relocation/internment camps. I think I'll write about the conditions of the camp, the questionnaire the Japanese Americans had to take to enlist or the opportunity that was given to enlist, the pro-Japanese groups, and going off to war (as part of the 100th Battalion 442nd Infantry, possibly).

4. more???
Possibly want to write to a sister or an old friend (who wasn't Japanese).

Other sources I can use:
http://www.dearmissbreed.com/
http://www.dearmissbreed.com/EvacuationDay.asp
http://www.dearmissbreed.com/NextRelevant.asp
http://www.janm.org/exhibits/breed/title.htm
http://www.janm.org/collections/clara-breed-collection/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanese_American_internment
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/442nd_Regimental_Combat_Team
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/442nd_Infantry_Regiment_(United_States) 
http://www.listeningforachange.org/pdfs/japanese_american_resources.pdf
http://www.infoplease.com/spot/internment1.html
http://www.calisphere.universityofcalifornia.edu/jarda/
http://www.calisphere.universityofcalifornia.edu/jarda/historical-context.html
http://www.smithsonianeducation.org/educators/lesson_plans/japanese_internment/index.html
http://www.goforbroke.org/history/history_historical_veterans_442nd.asp

Japanese Internment Camps by Bryan J. Grapes  (page 23-26)

An Interesting Part of History

The most intesting thing I've heard about in the last few days was the fact that the US helped rebuild Germany and Japan after WWII. I've never really thought about it, but Japan is really high tech and modern and it has a lot of traditions but at the same time everything seems so futuristic. All of the best games that are coming out are from Japan and a lot of other awesome things too--fashion, automobiles, books and stories and art, architechtural structures, computers, programs, innovations... all sorts of things. It never occurred to me that once upon a time, two atomic bombs had been dropped on this organized, efficient, and well-maintained country. Maybe this was from the help of the US. How did they build Japan into one of the most technologically advanced and booming economic/socialistic country?

I don't know all that much about modern Germany, but I hear it's a beautiful place. I wonder how the US fixed it up after defeating Hitler and practically destroying the whole place? I know they have some cars, and some really smart people too... and I hear they have good relations with the US and Japan now. I don't know the specifics of the relations after the war and in the current year, though.

Look at all that beautiful scenery and architechture (from Germany)... how is it so pristine now, when it was probably demolished during the war?

Sources: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japan, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Germany